VIRGIN HEART
 
Matthew 1:18- 25: "This is how the birth of Jesus Christ came about. His mother Mary was pledged to be married to Joseph, but before they CAME TOGETHER, she was found to be with child THROUGH THE HOLY SPIRIT. Because Joseph her husband was a righteous man and did not want to expose her to public disgrace, he had in mind to divorce her quietly. But after he had considered this, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream and said, "Joseph son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary home as your wife, BECAUSE what is CONCEIVED in her is FROM THE HOLY SPIRIT. She will give birth to a son, and you are to give him the name of Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins." All this took place to fulfill what the Lord has said through the prophet: "The VIRGIN will be with child and will give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel" - which means, "GOD WITH US." When Joseph woke up, he did what the angel of the Lord had commanded him and took Mary home as his wife. BUT he had NO UNION with her UNTIL she GAVE BIRTH to a SON (manchild). And he gave him the name Jesus."

Isaiah 55: 10-11: "As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater, so is MY WORD that goes out of my mouth: It WILL NOT RETURN to me EMPTY, but WILL ACCOMPLISH what I desire and ACHIEVE the PURPOSE for WHICH I SENT IT."

The Word of God is ALWAYS conceived and delivered by the Holy Spirit from the womb of a virgin heart. Then and ONLY then will it accomplish the purpose for which it was delivered. When our hearts are found pure in the sight of God, then we can say "GOD IS WITH US." Just as Joseph was commanded by God to not have union with Mary until she gave birth to the sinless Lamb of God, we cannot mix the seed of God's Word with the words that come from our own soulish and carnal flesh. If you try to mix the seed of God (His Word) with the seed of flesh (our own words from a soulish realm) it will not be able to reproduce the original seed. It will be a hybrid seed like a mule. It is neither donkey or horse but a little of each. We are a little of each until the Lord refines us with the fire of the Holy Spirit. That is why we are so stubborn. God uses our trials and tribulations to break us of our own spirited will so that we will surrender to His will.

My Dad passed away in January. He had been sick for a long time. He died a very painful, lingering death. I have gone through many painful emotions since then; so many things that I could not understand. I am beginning to see through the veil of my flesh into the realm of the Spirit that a refining and healing process is being produced even in this. It seems that we don't really know what is in our own heart until we feel pain in one way or another. Pain and sorrow has a way of bringing our true feelings to the surface. I have realized through my Dad's sickness and death that I have been very selfish. I had always looked at my own pain, never understanding my Dad's pain.

My Mother and Dad married when she was only 15 and he was 17. Kids having kids. My Dad had been abused by his own Mother. He was an abusive alcoholic and a womanizer. We did not know the meaning of the word peace in our home. The verbal abuse and put downs were much more painful than any whipping that he ever gave me. I thought that I had to be as tough as my Dad growing up, in order to win his love. He ran the bars and was involved in many fights as well as a lot of other activities that hurt me, my family and others. I always thought that he was rejecting me; that there was something wrong with me that my Dad could not love me. I didn't realize until many years later that my Dad's macho ways were a facade for his own weaknessess. One day I went with my Dad for him to apply for a maintenance job at the company where I did their floor coverings jobs. The boss of the company asked my Dad what pay did he think that he would like to have. My Dad answered, "I will just start at the bottom and work my way up." I spoke up for my Dad and told the boss that he should not have to start at the bottom and work up because he had a lot of experience in that type of work. That is when I realized what my Dad actually thought of himself.

Through the years, I forgot about that day and I began feeling the same rejection day after day and year after year because my Dad did not or could not show his real feelings. We never had the Father - Son relationship that I desired so much. I always wondered why my Dad never came to visit me. He would pass right by my house many times to visit someone else and never even stop to see me. He would argue with me over everything, making me feel like I did did not know how to do anything right. I missed a lot of opportunities to visit with my Dad because of this. It made me feel unwanted and so I would just not visit him, just like he did not visit me. I was like the mule, stubborn and could not see what I was doing. I was not producing the fruit of the original seed. I was producing the fruit of my flesh. It was not until he became very ill that all of that changed. When my Dad became helpless and had to depend on me for his strength, it broke him and he finally began to tell me that he loved me. I was finally able to care for and hold my Dad and show him the love that I always wanted to. I was able to say, "I love you Dad," and hear him say, "I love you too, Son." He asked for me every day and if I was not there, he would ask my family to send for me. We finally after all of these years bonded and became so close. I could not understand why God would allow this to happen to him NOW that we had finally formed a Father-Son relationship. I found him, only to lose him. I now am beginning, with the help of the Lord, my wife and a few good friends that my Dad loved me all along but he did not know how to show it. I am learning that I am in a test of whether I will still love God, resist my flesh, and serve the Lord or surrender to my flesh and stay a mule, resisting the Lord's refining process. I have chosen to go with God all the way.

I know that my Dad is among that great cloud of witnesses that have gone on before us, cheering us on all the way. You see, had given his life to the Lord several years ago and was still in the refining process himself. I am so thankful that the Lord allowed us to have this special time together to bond and be forgiven and restored, even though it was in a time of great pain and sorrow. I know that my Dad was prepared to meet the Lord and God was so gracious to take care of this one, last issue before He took him home. I have prayed for many years to be delivered from the anger that I had inside of me, that flowed out of a heart that was mixed with the seed of God and the seed of flesh. I am seeing the answer to this prayer now.

I want to encourage all of those that read this blog and are experiencing some of the things that I did to put all of the past hurts behind you and spend as much time loving your family as you can.

God bless you all!
John Daniels
President
HSMM - WV Chapter